How to Spice Up Your Relationship

You and your partner have gotten so comfortable with each other. During the quarantine (and maybe even beforehand), you two grew accustomed wearing sweats, cuddling on the couch, and eating frozen food for dinner. Variation in activities ceased, the conversation became bland, and you both lacked the energy to try new things or spice up your relationship. 

It was comfortable, and it felt good. Until… it got boring. And now you two are struggling with motivation and creativity to figure out new ways to spice things up. Don’t worry! We’ve got you covered with some quick tips. 

1. Find a new, fun ritual together

This one may sound counterintuitive, but hear us out. Finding a new ritual to share together, like a hobby, after-dinner activity, or day time excitement can add something new for you two to bond over. Rituals can create consistent connection, so even when you and your partner are feeling out of sync, you know you have your ritual to look forward to. 

There are tons of options for different types of rituals. Try picking up cooking together, or going on socially distanced hikes. Even finding a new show can spice up your relationship! 

2. Find something that gets you excited without your partner. 

You and your partner feel like you’ve begun to absorb into each other’s lives. You have become one, and it has felt really nice until you’ve realized you’ve forgotten about something you were passionate about just a couple of years ago. 

Our wonderful therapist Jackie McIntosh’s post on reviving a relationship through remembering who you are is an incredible way to reconnect to yourself and to reignite your individual passions. 

It can also help your partner remember who they fell in love with, and why.

3. Use your senses

Using your senses is a super effective way to really stay present at the moment. How many times have you and your partner planned a lovely date night, only to wind up completely submerged in your phones, or in a show you’re watching?

Instead, use your five senses exclusively for each other and with each other. Stay visually present on your date, smell the meal you made, touch your partner’s knee while you eat. Taste the food wholly, and listen to the voice of your partner as they speak. Use your senses to immerse yourself in the moment and in your relationship. 

4. Surprise one another

It turns out that most people really love the idea of surprising their partner, but feel stuck in how to surprise them. Surprises take time and creativity, so here are a few fun ideas from small to elaborate to help add some excitement into your routine:

  • Leave love notes around the apartment/house
  • Leave work a little early so you can surprise your partner with an already made dinner, candles and wine for when they come home
  • Send them sweet texts
  • Bring them coffee in the morning
  • Surprise them with a weekend getaway
  • Set up a night with their favorite game, movie and snacks

5. Give longer hugs

So simple, but so effective! Hugs have actually been shown to increase connection with a partner, and make people feel safer and more comfortable. Especially after arguments, longer hugs can lead to more connection and fulfillment. 

When your partner is stressed, frustrated, or just hanging out on the couch, go over and hug them. You know your partner best, so you probably know if they will absolutely not enjoy this. But if you’re curious, give it a shot and spice up your relationship in the process! What have you got to lose? 

6. Remind each other of your first date

It is really easy to forget why you fell in love, especially after years of hanging out on the couch and falling into a routine that feels less like love and more like complacency. 

Remind each other of that first date feeling by reflecting on what you felt when you first saw your partner, what the connection was like, and what you talked about. Better yet, recreate the date! Go to the place you met, or talk about the things you talked about. This can ignite some deeper conversation on why your relationship has shifted, and how you can get it back up to the spicy level you once had! 

Spice up your relationship: Conclusion…

While it can feel exhausting to add something new into your already packed routine, so we hope these tips feel quick and manageable enough to slip in when you have a moment. Remember: instead of adding in huge events and elaborate plans to increase excitement and connection, focus on making the most of the small moments you already have. 

If you’re feeling stuck, let us know! We are here to help you find the tools for creativity and motivation to increase your relationship satisfaction. And if you’re looking for more ways without the commitment to therapy, email us to join our newsletter for some tips and tricks to reignite the spark in your relationship, or go to our website at and add your email address at the bottom of the page.  

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Disclaimer: These posts are just general information, and are not to be considered clinical advice, not a substitute for therapy. No therapist-patient relationship is created by these posts. Please consult a physician or therapist to determine if such information is right for you.​